Parshat Yitro: The Eternal Reward Of Honoring Parents

The Talmud tells us that the Sages once asked Rabbi Eliezer: “To what lengths must one go to fulfill the commandment of honoring his father?” Rabbi Eliezer replied: “Let’s learn from Dama ben Nesina, a non-Jew, who lives in the city of Ashkelon.”

What did Rav Eliezer learn from Dama ben Nesina?

Dama dealt in precious stones. One time, a group of rabbis needed a particular gemstone for the breastplate of the Kohain Gadol. They asked Dama whether he could supply the gem they needed. Yes, Dama told them, he had a suitable stone that he could sell them. The price was 600,000 gold coins.

When the rabbis wanted to see the stone, Dama asked them to wait a while. He explained that the key to the locked chest where he stored his merchandise was under his father’s pillow, and his father was asleep just then.

The rabbis explained that they were in a hurry; if he could not sell them the stone at once, they would try elsewhere.

Even though it meant losing a very profitable sale, Dama refused to disturb his father’s sleep. The rabbis left to seek out a different merchant.

A year later, G-d rewarded Dama for having honored his father with such devotion. A red heifer was born in Dama’s herd of cattle. Jewish sages came to him to inspect it and asked Dama what price he was asking. Dama told them: “I know that you will pay whatever price I ask of you, but I will take only the 600,000 gold pieces that I lost when, out of respect for my father, I did not wake him up.”

This powerful story ties into the timeless message of Parshat Yitro, where the commandment to honor one’s parents is given directly by G-d as part of the Ten Commandments. It illustrates that honoring one's parents goes beyond words—it is reflected in our actions, even when those actions come at a personal cost.

Rav Dimi recalled another incident that highlighted Dama ben Nesina’s exemplary respect for his parents. It took place when Dama was once present at a gathering of highly respected Roman nobles in Caesarea. He had dressed for the occasion and was wearing an elegant garment embroidered with gold threads.

Suddenly, his mother, who was emotionally disturbed, ran up to him and began tearing his raiment to shreds. She struck him on the head and spat in his face.

How did Dama react? Incredibly, he did not oppose her in any way and did not utter a word of reproach to her.

Imagine that in our days, a smartly dressed young man is addressing the presidium of a prestigious national society. Just when he reaches the climax of his presentation, his own father bursts into the conference hall, rushes to the podium, and starts to rip the clothing off his back.

And that’s not all; the father tops off his personal “presentation” by slapping his son in the face while heaping coarse insults and curses at him.

Even in such a situation, the Torah does not allow a person to say a single negative word about a parent or to oppose him.

Rather, he is obliged to remain silent out of fear of G-d, Who has commanded us to honor our parents, even under such extreme circumstances.

Rav Avimi, son of Rav Avahu, taught that the touchstone of honoring one’s parents lies not in what is said or done for them, but in how it is done.

He explains that one person—let’s call him Avraham—might serve his parents the finest delicacies, day after day, but nonetheless forfeit his portion of the reward for honoring one’s parents.

On the other hand, another fellow—we’ll call him Yitzchak—will be rewarded with wondrous delights in the World to Come because he sent his father to turn the grindstones in his flour mill, day after day.

How can this be? Avraham’s father once asked him: “My son, where do you get the money for all these delicious foods?”

In reply, Avraham snaps at his father: “Old man, old man! Just eat and keep quiet.”

Such a person, Rav Avimi tells us, will end up in Gehinnom for his disdainful response to his father.

But what about Yitzchak, who makes his living as a miller and set his father to work turning the grindstones of his mill? Is this the way to show respect and concern for a father?

Rav Avimi explains that in the district where Yitzchak and his father lived, the authorities drafted one person from each household for hard labor on government projects. At first, they wanted to take Yitzchak’s father, but Yitzchak intervened. He knew that the conditions at the labor camp were very harsh and sought a way to protect his father.

He told his father: “I’m young and strong. Let me go instead of you, and you take my place at the mill, turning the grindstones.”

Rav Avimi tells us that this son will be generously rewarded in paradise for his concern for letting his father grind wheat grains in his stead.

Copyright© 2023 by The LaMaalot Foundation. Talks on the Torah, by Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber is catalogued at The Library of Congress. All rights reserved. Printed in China by Best Win Printing, Shenzhen, China.

By Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber ztk"l
Founder, Toldot Yeshurun