The Letter

Dear David,

While the world feels consumed by the weight of global conflict and the uncertainty in Israel, I am struggling just to get through the hour. I feel physically achy, drained of energy, and increasingly find myself asking, “What is the point?”

I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, but we haven’t yet found a medication that works. On top of the clinical struggle, I caфrry a heavy burden of guilt about my role as a father, yet I feel I have no one to talk to. Even my wife doesn’t seem to truly understand.

Sometimes sleep feels like my only escape, because being awake simply means being in pain. How do I find a way forward when I feel so invisible and exhausted?

—Anonymous

 

The Response: Finding a Foothold in the Dark

It is incredibly difficult to carry a private war within your mind while the world is fixated on a public one. When the “macro” world feels chaotic, our “micro” struggles can begin to feel small or even wrong to speak about. But the pain you are describing is not small. It is real, and it is profound.

What you are describing—the physical aches, the depletion of energy, the existential questioning—is the heavy “lead blanket” of bipolar depression. When someone is under that blanket, the brain is not merely tired; it is struggling to access hope itself.

Validating the Physicality of Pain

Mental pain is often intensely physical. Depression does not live only in thoughts; it settles into the joints, the muscles, and the nervous system. When you say that sleep feels like your only escape, you are describing a state of survival.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are navigating a biological storm that has not yet been stabilized by the right medication. The process of finding the correct treatment can be exhausting, but it is a necessary and worthwhile part of recovery.

The Weight of “Not Being Enough”

The guilt you feel about being a father is a heavy shadow. But shame thrives in secrecy. When we believe we are not “enough,” our instinct is to withdraw, which only increases the distance between us and the people we love.

Your wife may not fully understand the internal mechanics of bipolar disorder, but she may be able to understand your longing to stay present. Sometimes the most powerful words we can offer a partner are:

“I am in a lot of pain right now, and I feel like I’m failing. I don’t need you to fix it. I just need you to know how hard I’m trying to stay here.”

That kind of honesty builds connection rather than distance.

When the Question Feels Like a Void

When you ask, “What is the point of life?” and the answer feels empty, remember this: bipolar depression distorts perception. It convinces you that its version of reality is the truth.

Right now, the “point” is not to solve global conflict. It is not to become a perfect father overnight. The point is to stay. The point is to keep working with your medical team until the weight begins to lift.

Staying is not small. Staying is courageous.

 

A Path Forward

Medical Persistence

Continue working closely with your psychiatrist. Finding the right medication for bipolar disorder often requires patience and careful adjustment. Do not lose faith in the process.

Small Circles

Find one safe space. A support group for individuals living with bipolar disorder can reduce isolation dramatically. Within the frum community, organizations such as Relief Resources and Amudim can help guide you toward appropriate referrals and support systems.

Micro-Wins

On days when life feels unbearable, your goal is not transformation—it is the next right step. If that step is drinking a glass of water, stepping into the living room for ten minutes, or sending one honest text message, that counts as a victory.

You are not alone in your loneliness. There are others who understand that ache intimately. There is also a version of your life waiting beyond this episode—a version in which this pain is part of your story, but not the author of it.

And for now, the bravest thing you can do is remain here.

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David Kahan is a licensed Clinical Social Worker and psychotherapist who graduated from Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service and has over a decade of experience. He has worked in various mental health clinics and is now seeing clients in private practice. He accepts most insurance plans and can be found on Headway. He is currently accepting clients dealing with new or established mild to moderate mental health diagnoses and can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 718-350-5408.