Living Authentically: The Zoo Of Mixed-Up Roles

A Costume All Year Long

A young man sent a question to Rav Pinchas Breuer, shlit”a:

“I am a talented and successful yeshivah student. Recently, I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. I’m constantly trying to be someone I’m not. It’s as if I’m living in a costume all year long. I imitate different young men who seem popular and successful in my eyes, but it doesn’t work. The result is that I’m unhappy with myself, and I’m not succeeding. What should I do?”

Rav Breuer replied:

“There are people who live in a costume all year. They constantly try to be what they are not—or at least to project something they are not. Some are fully disguised and simply disconnected from themselves. They don’t check whether the role they are playing suits them or whether they behave in line with how they present themselves.

Others are not fully disguised, but like costumes, they take one item out of the box—a hat or a tie—and become partially dressed up.

People without self-awareness are not connected to themselves. They are connected to people they wish they could be like, and they forget that they are themselves—and you are you.

The result is that when a person tries to be what he is not, he loses twice. He will not become the other person anyway, and he also stops being himself.”

When the Manager Is a Donkey—Everything Looks Accordingly

Rav Breuer illustrated this with a striking story:

A hungry bear wandered through the forest. One day passed, then two, and the hunger only grew. There was no food. Out of desperation, the bear came up with an idea—to offer himself for the role of “bear” at the zoo. True, it meant living behind fences with no freedom, but better to live in captivity than to die free.

The bear went to the zoo management, met with the director, and offered himself for the job.

The director listened and said:

“Sorry, I don’t need a bear. But I do have another offer: would you agree to serve as a monkey? Two weeks ago our monkey died, and we haven’t replaced it yet.”

The bear replied:

“I would gladly take the job, but there’s one problem—I’ve never been a monkey, and I have no idea what a monkey is supposed to do!”

“Don’t worry,” said the director. “You’ll receive training until you know how to act exactly like a monkey.”

And so it was. The bear learned to climb trees, perform tricks, and behave like a monkey. It was difficult and awkward—after all, it is not simple to be a monkey when one weighs as much as a bear. But what won’t a creature do for survival?

Everything seemed to work—until it came to the food.

After long, exhausting days, the caretaker would give him a few bananas and some peanuts—barely enough to sustain him. He realized that if this continued, he would starve.

So he decided to walk around the zoo and see if there was a better opportunity.

Eventually, he reached a cage labeled “Bears.” He entered, began speaking with the bear inside, and felt at home—after all, he had once been a bear.

During their conversation, he noticed large piles of food in the cage. His mouth watered.

“Why aren’t you eating?” he asked. “If I had this food, I would revive myself!”

The other replied:

“I’ll tell you the truth. I am actually a monkey. A year ago, there was no food in the forest. Animals were starving. I overcame my embarrassment and offered myself as a monkey at the zoo—but they told me they needed a bear. I had no choice.

But you understand—it’s not easy for a monkey to act like a bear. I manage just enough to satisfy them, but I can’t eat these huge portions.”

The bear scratched his head.

“You know what? The management of this zoo is completely incompetent! Let’s go to the director and explain that instead of me being a bear-monkey and you being a monkey-bear, each of us should do our real job!”

The next day they approached the director—but to their surprise, the director became furious.

“Absolutely not! Everyone stays exactly where they were assigned!”

“Mr. Director,” said the bear, “forgive me—but you sound like a donkey.”

“How did you know?” the director replied excitedly. “I am a donkey! A year ago, I applied to be a donkey—but they needed a director. So here I am!”

And that is what happens when the bear is a monkey, the monkey is a bear, and the director is a donkey.

Everyone Should Focus on His Own Role

Rabbi Michael Peretz, shlit”a, explains:

In Judaism, there are clear distinctions established by the Torah. A regular Jew may become impure through contact with the dead. A Kohen may become impure only for close relatives. A Kohen Gadol may not become impure even for them.

Similarly, in marriage laws, each level has its own boundaries.

Does a person cry out, “Why wasn’t I born a Kohen?” This is reality. A person was not created as a Kohen, and that cannot be changed.

When everyone tries to be what he is not—nothing works.

The correct approach is simple: focus on what you are, and fulfill your role in the best possible way.

When a person understands that Hashem has given a unique mission meant only for that individual, and stops trying to imitate others—then success becomes possible.

The same applies in all areas of life.

A person may imagine a perfect shidduch, and when reality falls short, dissatisfaction begins. But there is another path: to accept what one has been given and invest fully in it.

When a person lives authentically—embracing the role Hashem has given—Hashem will surely grant abundant siyata diShmaya.

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Rabbi Leeor Dahan, a graduate of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim/RSA, is a noted scholar and teacher, well-versed in halachah. He currently leads Kehilat Avodat Hashem in Hillcrest, Queens, inspiring his congregation to delve into Torah study and embrace its eternal teachings.