Bridging The Divide: Understanding The Disconnect Between Mental Health Patients And Their Families

Navigating the complexities of mental health can be challenging, particularly when a diagnosis creates a chasm of misunderstanding between patients and their families. This disconnect—a phenomenon I’ve observed countless times in my practice—is often rooted in a fundamental difference in how each party perceives and experiences reality. Understanding this divide is the first step toward bridging the gap and fostering a more supportive environment.

The Two Realities

From the patient’s perspective, their world is often dominated by symptoms that make even simple tasks feel monumental. They may live with an overactive mind, profound anxiety, or crippling depression that colors every interaction and moment. These are not mere “bad days,” but an internal reality that feels constant and consuming. Patients yearn for empathy and understanding from their loved ones, yet what they often receive is a frustrating mix of impatience and unhelpful advice, such as, “Just get over it.”

For family members, it is not that they lack love or care—it is that they live in a different reality. In their world, a difficult day is something one copes with using established, healthy mechanisms. They naturally project their own experiences and coping skills onto their loved one, unable to grasp that the patient’s internal experience is an entirely different universe. The emotional landscape of fear, worry, and overwhelming sadness that the patient describes often does not exist in their own lived experience. This makes genuine empathy a monumental challenge.

This is not a matter of blame. Neither side is at fault for being unable to fully comprehend a reality that is foreign to them. It is not possible to feel or understand something that does not exist in one’s own world. The disconnect is not a moral failing; it is a cognitive one.

 

Bridging the Gap

So how do we close this seemingly insurmountable gap? The solution lies not in full comprehension, but in acceptance and intentional effort.

First, both the patient and the family must accept that they will likely never fully understand the other’s reality. This acceptance is foundational. For family members, this means accepting that while they may not comprehend the debilitating nature of a panic attack or depressive episode, they can believe that it is real and valid for their loved one. Psychoeducation—reading about the specific mental health condition—is crucial. It provides a framework for understanding what is happening, even if the emotional experience itself remains elusive.

Second, the act of trying to understand is more powerful than the result itself. Family members can ask open-ended questions such as, “What does it feel like inside your head?” While they may not fully grasp the answer, the very act of asking can be a lifeline for the patient. It communicates, “I see you, and I am trying to understand.” For the patient, recognizing that their family’s difficulty with comprehension is not a sign of a lack of love can help alleviate feelings of isolation and hurt.

Ultimately, the goal is not to achieve perfect understanding, but to foster an environment of compassion, respect, and mutual effort. When families and patients have these conversations—even when they are difficult and imperfect—it creates a sense of safety and support. For a patient in therapy, knowing that their family is actively trying to bridge the gap can be a powerful catalyst for progress. It replaces isolation with a sense of being seen and loved for who they are, which may be the most important form of healing.

---

David Kahan is a licensed Clinical Social Worker who graduated from Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service and has over a decade of experience. He has worked in various mental health clinics and is now seeing clients in private practice. He accepts most insurance plans and can be found on Headway. He is currently accepting clients dealing with new or established mild to moderate mental health diagnoses and can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 718-350-5408. If you liked this article or have any questions, please email.