Understanding Our Teenagers: What Today’s Teens Need From Us Most

It was a lively, heartfelt night on Chazaq Torah Talks as I sat down with my cousin and dear friend, Rabbi Avrohom Walkin, the longtime mechanech whose life revolves around lifting teens, strengthening families, and guiding our community’s youth with patience, humor, and heart. Rabbi Walkin has spent nearly three decades in chinuch — from his early days as a 24-year-old rebbe in the old Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim on the Grand Central Parkway, to his years in NCSY, and now as the director of Chazaq’s JWave Teens Division.

His warmth is famous; his phone lights up at all hours with teens asking for guidance, and his home is rarely empty on Shabbat. As he put it, “They’re my kids — and I treat them that way.” With that spirit, we explored one of today’s biggest questions:

How do we understand and guide the teenagers of our generation?

 

The New Landscape: Technology & Shifting Respect

Rabbi Walkin began by contrasting today’s world with the one he grew up in.

“Thirty years ago,” he said, “life happened on your block. A bike, a blue ball — that was your universe.” Today’s teens, however, have the entire world in their pocket. With access to everything, the challenges multiply. Even the best filters can be bypassed.

Beyond technology lies an even deeper shift: the way teens view authority.

“When I was a kid,” he said with a smile, “I was afraid to go home if a rebbe yelled at me. Today, it’s a very different dynamic.”

Teens question more, trust less, and feel freer to challenge teachers — sometimes for good reason, sometimes not. The result is a weakening of the traditional respect that once defined the rebbe–talmid relationship.

 

Where Solutions Begin: Parents Set The Tone

When asked how to rebuild respect, Rabbi Walkin didn’t hesitate:

“It starts at home.”

Children absorb how their parents speak about their teachers. If a parent dismisses authority, the child learns to do the same. If a parent shows kavod, the child mirrors it.

He shared a method he often uses with students who complain about a rebbe. Before hearing the story, he asks:

“Where do you place yourself in the class?”

Almost always, the student admits he calls out, misbehaves, or doesn’t hand in homework — and suddenly, the entire story reframes itself.

“When a child admits the truth on his own,” Rabbi Walkin said, “you’ve already won half the battle.”

 

Teaching Through Love, Not Force

One of the greatest changes in chinuch today is the need for emotional presence. Fear-based discipline might have worked once; today, it simply doesn’t.

“Kids have to feel you care,” Rabbi Walkin emphasized. “If they believe you love them, they’ll do things they aren’t yet ready to do for Hashem — just because they feel your love.”

When he urges a boy to wear a kippah or commit to Shabbat, he tells them:

“It’s what I tell my own son.”

It lands differently. The boys feel seen — and safe.

 

Helping Teens Grow: Normalize Struggle

“Challenges don’t mean something is wrong,” he stressed. “Challenges are where we grow.”

He compared growth to digging a well: at first it’s dirt, then more dirt, until finally, after effort and persistence, water bursts forth.

Torah and mitzvot work the same way — effort brings blessing.

The yetzer hara works overtime trying to convince teens that if mitzvot feel hard, something is wrong with them. Rabbi Walkin counters this directly:

“It’s normal. It’s healthy. And it’s how Hashem designed the road to greatness.”

 

The Power of a Parent’s Joy

Rabbi Walkin shared a powerful teaching from Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt”l:

Many Holocaust survivors kept mitzvot with extraordinary mesirut nefesh, yet some of their children drifted. Why?

Rav Moshe said it was the subtle messages at home:

Parents kept Torah but sighed,

“Oy, it’s so hard to be a Jew.”

Children absorbed that Yiddishkeit was a burden.

“Do mitzvot with joy,” Rabbi Walkin urged. “Let your kids see that you want this life.”

He shared an unforgettable story illustrating how Hashem pays back generosity:

One Shabbat, Rabbi Walkin prepared meals for many guests. He had already spent hundreds when he remembered his Rosh Hashanah kabbalah: spend more for mitzvot. So he pushed himself and bought beautiful platters and wine.

An hour after returning home, he received a message from Rabbi Weberman:

“I have something for you in my mailbox.”

Inside was a check — for the exact amount he had just spent.

“I didn’t try it again the next week,” he joked, “but Hashem showed me something that day.”

 

The One Line That Changes Everything

Near the end of the conversation, Rabbi Walkin shared the most transformative rule he has learned:

“Leave your ego at the door.”

Parents, teachers, rabbis, even teens themselves — if we drop ego, we listen better, react calmer, forgive quicker, and guide more effectively.

“If you don’t take things personally,” he said, “you can finally help people grow.”

Teens today face pressures unimaginable a generation ago, but they also possess sincerity, depth, and heart. With warmth, consistency, boundaries, and joy — and by showing them that we truly care — we can raise a generation connected to Torah, to Hashem, and to their own greatness.

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Rabbi Yaniv Meirov is the CEO of Chazaq and Rav of Congregation Charm Circle in Kew Gardens Hills. Since 2006, he has helped thousands of Jews reconnect with their faith through community events, lectures, and public school outreach, earning recognition from gedolim, elected officials, and community leaders for its impactful work. As Chazaq Torah Talks recently aired its 214th episode with Manny Behar, Rabbi Meirov continues to bring thoughtful, heartfelt conversations to the Jewish world—bridging tradition with today’s challenges, one episode at a time. The Rav can be reached for comment at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..