Remembering The Life of Efrat Haimoff

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What is the yardstick of a successful life?

Is it motherhood? Landing your dream career? Making lots of money? or perhaps acquiring meaningful relationships? If I asked any mediocre person, they might respond any of the above.

But Efrat bat Assaf Haimoff a”h was no mediocre person and Efrat certainly lived a successful life. You are probably wondering, “How can someone who leaves this world at such a tender young age, with a debilitating fatal illness such as cancer, reach success? What was her success?”

To Efrat, success was reaching her shleimus, her wholesomeness.

What I am about to share is not even a drop in the bucket of who Efrat truly was. Since the day she was born, Efrat’s face radiated a shining smile, like that of a pure angel. In her short lifespan, Efrat’s radiance and talents had touched countless souls. Any gift you name, Efrat had it. From playing multiple instruments, to her beautiful sweet voice, to her breathtaking works of art.

Despite her illness, Efrat continued to inspire us all, while playing instruments from her hospital bed and drawing pictures of gedolim, even during her most painful chemo treatments.

Efrat was a star student both academically and socially. She moved with her family from Israel when she was in 6^th grade. By her 8^th grade graduation, she had already been crowned as valedictorian. Efrat was everyone’s friend. Her infectious smile and positive regard towards each person is what made her everybody’s best friend.

I was approached by Efrat’s Hebrew studies principal who said the following, “Efrat had a true love of learning. She was someone who never experienced so much as a taste of a sin. Efrat is the kind of girl we try to produce, but we cannot even take any credit for her, because this is how she came to us, already complete.”

Efrat taught us all what it means to truly accept everything from Hashem with love. She exemplified what authentic emunah looks like. She never complained about her predicament, to the contrary, she thanked Hashem and repeated nishmas daily!

Over the past two years, I had the zechut of sleeping in the hospital with Efrat multiple times. It was evident that she was in tremendous pain, and yet I never heard her utter a sound of complaint. In fact, the only words you would hear Efrat say were, “Thank you!”

Thank you to the nurses for each time they woke her in middle of the night to take her vitals. Thank you to the doctors, even when they came to share bad news. At one point the doctors sent in a resident to draw blood. The resident must have pricked Efrat 20 times and still could not find the vein! Instead of getting annoyed, Efrat stretched out her other arm and full of sincerity said, “Here this arm might be easier for you.” Once the resident was done, Efrat once again expressed a “Thank you,” never bring shame or pain on another.

During the pandemic, Efrat had a doctor’s appointment, via Zoom, to learn the results of her spinal tap. The doctor told Efrat and her parents that she has no chance at long-term survival, and that she barely had a few months left to live. “Do you have any questions?” he asked her nonchalantly. Efrat remained undefeated. She looked him straight in the eye and said with utmost confidence, “You cannot put a cap on my life, only G-d can decide how long I will live.”

Her parents were dumbfounded. “Efrat did you understand what the doctor just explained?” they asked. “Of course, I did. But I also heard what the rabbi told me on the way over here. He said I am going to live! Do you think I will trust the doctor over the rabbi?”

Furthermore, as Efrat’s condition deteriorated, she unfortunately lost most of her eyesight and was unable to read. For Efrat, this was truly devastating as she spent much of her time at the hospital reading. Being absorbed in the thoughtful written words was something that gave her tremendous chizuk and comfort. During the weeks before Rosh Hashanah, Efrat turned to her father and said, “All I want is to be able to daven from a machzor on Rosh Hashanah. That is my wish for this holiday.” With tears in his eyes Assaf looked at her and said, “You do not need to pray from a machzor, your prayers are going straight to heaven either way!” Ultimately, her wish was granted, just now how one may have envisioned.

Now let’s give you a taste of Efrat’s unwavering kindness. Even when she left this world, Efrat took everyone’s needs into account. She ensured the family would have enough time to mourn, but also went so far to make sure that they would not mourn for too long. Following 24-hours of shiv’ah, the family went directly into Rosh Hashanah. Efrat knew how difficult it would be for her parents to be torn between staying at the hospital with her and being home with the other 7 children for the holiday. Efrat left this world just two short days before the Yamim Noraim, just when her parents were trying to figure out how to make the best arrangements for the family during these most difficult circumstances. It was as if she told them, “Do not worry I will be in a better place and you can go home and be with the children.”

We will miss Efrat forever. She was such a pure soul; a soul that fulfilled its mission in this world at such a young age and was primed and perfectly complete to go back to its Creator. Hashem gifted our family with this precious diamond of a neshama and we all feel privileged to have had her be with us for 18 years.

Thank you Efrat for making this world a better place. For making an impact on so many of us. Thank you for teaching us to appreciate all the good we have and accept everything Hashem gives us – with love!

 By Anat Haimoff Ganz, LMSW