Be Closer By Staying Far — Parshat Ki Teitzei

Parshat Ki Teitzei begins with the yefat to’ar — where a soldier sees a beautiful woman during battle and desires her, and there is a heter (permission) for him to take and keep her. Now, when the Torah speaks about soldiers, it is discussing complete tzaddikim. They went into battle fasting, free of aveirot, not as regular people. But for that challenging situation, the Torah gives a heter.

A soldier is trained to kill, a most inhuman and animalistic act, especially when warfare was hand-to-hand combat. In that situation, the soldiers need the greatest protection, which is the highest level of kedushah possible. V’haya machanecha kadosh — your camp should be holy. So why does the Torah give this heter of yefat to’ar? Would it not be better for the soldiers to stay far away from it?

The Ohr HaChaim explains that after Adam ate from the eitz hada’at, there were neshamot that were taken by the Yetzer Hara and dispersed among the Nations. Geirut reclaims those holy neshamot, like Rut and Onkelos. Now this soldier, a tzaddik, sees this yefat to’ar and is drawn to the kedushah shining from her neshamah, and he wants to bring it closer. Far from a lustful act.

Next comes the parshah of ben sorer u’moreh — the wayward son who ends up in a terrible way. Rashi brings a Medrash that says this will be the result if one takes the yefat to’ar. The parshiot are next to each other — semuchim — and this teaches us that they are connected. The yefat to’ar is for a soldier in a situation where there is a powerful Yetzer Hara he cannot overcome, but the outcome is not good.

So, is taking the yefat to’ar good or not?

The Shem MiShmuel says that the “desire” to take her could be better resolved by not taking her. When the Torah is speaking concerning the Yetzer Hara, that is when the soldier cannot overcome the Yetzer Hara. Then it is better to take her with this heter. However, if he refrains from taking her, that will actually draw out the kedushah from the lost neshamah even more!

The Gemara in Sanhedrin (107a) says that Dovid HaMelech should have understood this and not taken a yefat to’ar, who gave birth to Avshalom. The Shem MiShmuel says that when Dovid was fleeing from Avshalom, at that time he heard and believed lashon hara. For that, he received a punishment that his kingdom would be split. That eventually led to the Churban and galut. Dovid was trying to gather in the kedushah when he took the yefat to’ar, but he would have accomplished more by staying away.

[Perhaps we could add that Dovid should have realized that he descended from Moav, a nation with a lowly moral character. On a deeper level, he should have suspected that perhaps his intentions were not 100 percent pure, and he should have stayed away, not risking having Avshalom.]

Sometimes there is something not befitting you according to your level and situation. Then, when you stay away from it, even when there is a heter to do or use it, you will gain more and pull out more kedushah by staying away. For example, while we live in galut among the Nations, wherever we are, we are pulling out any kedushah that was lost there by being separate from them.

R’ Chaim Dov Altusky zt”l, among other Gedolim, said that just as there is a limit on the number of words a person has, there is a limit on other things as well. For example, money. If one cheats and steals, they will not wind up with more. Any gain here will be a loss elsewhere. Chilul Shabbat will not create any more gain, as there will be a loss elsewhere.

Pleasure and enjoyment are in the same category. One can receive their fill of enjoyment and pleasure through permissible ways or through forbidden ways. However, through forbidden ways, one will have terrible side effects, regret, and a bitter aftertaste. They definitely will not gain by receiving more pleasure, and they will lose out from what they could have gotten in a permissible way.

Now, all enjoyment and pleasure that we feel is really kedushah-based. Enjoyment from an aveirah comes from sparks of kedushah that were mixed in or trapped within the aveirah. If there were a way to separate them, we would find a lot of kedushah. For example, inside excrement there are nutrients, especially from undissolved pieces. If it is possible to separate them, there is a lot of good there! But as is, it is disgusting, poisonous, and it will kill a person!

Those are the aveirot. They are disguised in Olam Hazeh, and they appear really exciting and enjoyable. In Olam Haba, that covering is stripped away, and all the revolting poison is exposed.

We would like to learn an important rule from this understanding of the yefat to’ar. By staying away, the soldier is really gaining much more than if he would take her. And any enjoyment that he thinks he will lose out from, he will not. He will receive it in a better, fully kosher way!

We have many challenges during our times, much more than our ancestors ever had in the past, especially in terms of technology and the internet. Currently, AI is the new major challenge. With all the gain one can have from it, it comes with extremely difficult challenges, which I will not elaborate on here. (Speak to your personal rebbi.) Even though one can gain and have enjoyment by using it, one can gain more by limiting or even not using it, whatever one is able to do on their level. Any chizuk is great!

The same is with any challenge we have. Instead of focusing on what you think you are missing out on, focus on how much you are gaining. By staying away from “enjoyment” in a questionable or forbidden way, you will gain much more in a permissible and kosher way! Think positively, as we gather in more kedushah this way!

During Elul, let us all strengthen ourselves and find the way to return to Hashem in a positive and happy way!

May we merit to gather in all the kedushah and greet Moshiach very soon!

---

R’ Dovi Chaitovsky and his family have the zechut to live in Eretz Yisrael, where he dedicates himself to learning and teaching Torah. His divrei Torah often draw from the shiurim of R’ Yisrael Altusky shlit”a of Yeshiva Torah Ore, available on www.KolHalashon.com. In his column, Connecting The Dots: Torah Thoughts For Modern Times, R’ Dovi offers thoughtful insights that bridge timeless Torah wisdom with the challenges of contemporary life, using stories, parables, Torah sources, and reflections on current events to highlight practical lessons from Jewish tradition and encourage readers to apply them in their daily lives.