Why Listening Is Our Greatest Tool For Our Children

As parents and siblings, we all want our homes to be happy places. But for a teenager, home also needs to be a place where it is safe to be unhappy. When an adolescent comes to us with a problem—whether it’s bullying, feeling like they don’t fit in, or a deep sense of sadness—the way we listen can change the course of their life.

 

The Risk of Seeking an Escape

When a young person feels that their problems are being brushed off, they don’t stop hurting; they simply look for a way to stop the pain. In many of our communities, this is when the risk of illegal drug use becomes a reality.

Adolescents often turn to substances as a way to escape feelings they cannot manage alone. The problem is that drugs are only a temporary mask. When they wear off, the original sadness or anxiety is still there—often feeling even worse than before. It is far easier to prevent this cycle from starting by offering support early on than it is to help someone once they are already struggling with substance use.

 

Meeting Pain with Empathy

It can be tempting to tell a child to “tough it out,” but to them, these struggles are very real. If their self-esteem is hurting or they are being treated poorly by peers, they need to know we are in their corner. This might mean:

Listening without judgment: Letting them speak without immediately trying to “fix” the problem or change the subject.

Taking action: Offering to intervene at school or with other parents if they are being bullied.

Seeking professional help: Helping them find a therapist and walking with them through the process of getting started. Knowing they have your support in finding the right person makes this step far less intimidating.

Showing compassion: Making sure they feel loved exactly as they are.

 

Support Beyond the Family

Sometimes, the struggle is more than just a bad day—it may be biological depression or anxiety. We need to remain open to professional help. Finding a good therapist provides a safe space where a teen may share things they are not yet ready to tell their family.

We should also remain open to medical advice. Legal, prescribed medication from a qualified physician is designed to help the brain return to a healthier balance, allowing a child to feel like themselves again. When we ignore these medical options because of stigma, we risk leaving the door open for teens to seek relief through illegal substances instead.

 

Keeping
the Door Open

The most important thing we can do is stay present. If a family member brings up a struggle, we should not ignore it or feel embarrassed. Meeting them with a simple, “I’m here, and we will get through this together,” can be life-saving.

By being a family that truly listens, we ensure our children do not have to look for an escape elsewhere. We can provide the love, understanding, and safety they are searching for—right at home.

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David Kahan is a licensed Clinical Social Worker who graduated from Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service and has over a decade of experience. He has worked in various mental health clinics and is now seeing clients in private practice. He accepts most insurance plans and can be found on Headway. He is currently accepting clients dealing with new or established mild to moderate mental health diagnoses and can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 718-350-5408. If you liked this article or have any questions, please email.