Respect & Reverence In The Cemetery  (Part II)

III. FRIVOLITY (KALUT ROSH)

The Gemara in Megilah (29a) cites a beraita stating that we should refrain from acting lightheaded or frivolous within a cemetery. This prohibition stems from the respect owed to the deceased and the inherently serious nature of the place.

The prohibition against frivolity in cemeteries extends to relieving oneself (even beyond 4 amot), engaging in calculations, grazing animals, walking through for the purpose of a short cut, and eating or drinking within the cemetery grounds.

A. Eating and Drinking¹

Eating or drinking within the cemetery is strictly prohibited, regardless of distance from graves or prior blessings outside of the cemetery.² Reciting a blessing over food within the cemetery is even more forbidden.

B. Smoking

Smoking in a cemetery is inappropriate, as it is considered a form of frivolous or disrespectful behavior (kalut rosh), which is forbidden in a cemetery.³

IV. PERSONAL BENEFIT

When visiting various kivrei tzaddikim around the world, one may encounter certain cemeteries where navigating between burial sites proves challenging. The sheer density of graves or limitations in space may necessitate stepping over graves, posing a potential conflict between honoring the deceased and adhering to halachic considerations regarding reverence for burial grounds.

A. Stepping or sitting on the grave

The Rama⁴ prohibits using a matzeiva (grave marker) for personal benefit, such as sitting or leaning on it. This prohibition is based on two considerations: one, that it shows disrespect to the deceased, and two, that it constitutes personal benefit.

However, the Rama (ibid) then quotes the Tur citing his father the Rosh, who permits it based on the Talmudic prohibition only extending to constructing above-ground tombs (kever shel binyan) like mausoleums, not structures atop underground graves. Although halachically the latter view is the halacha, in practice, poskim have generally adopted the stricter opinion.

The Pitchei Teshuvah (Yoreh De’ah 364:2), citing Yad Eliyahu, further clarifies that brief walking over a grave does not constitute deriving "benefit" (hana'ah) from it, unlike sitting, which is definitively prohibited. However, he adds that stepping on a grave is still considered disrespectful to the deceased and should be avoided whenever possible. It should only be done when absolutely necessary and in a manner that reflects awareness and reverence.

Similarly Rav Netanel Weil (Korban Netanel, Ta’anit, ch. 2 22:3) writes that although stepping on graves for personal gain is forbidden, when no alternative path exists, walking on a grave isn't considered benefiting from it, however one should show utmost respect and minimize the intrusion.⁵ Pnei Baruch (37:28) advises that anyone who has walked on a grave should ask for forgiveness.

Rav Bentzion Mutzafi fondly recalls⁶ accompanying his late father on visits to the tombs of saintly individuals on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem. As they navigated through the graves to reach a particular tomb of a tzaddik, his father would remark that the pathways and spaces between the graves were actually above the buried deceased. Every four feet, he would pause to humbly seek forgiveness, saying, "I ask for your forgiveness." Rav Mutzafi's father exhibited the same reverence and humility during their visits to the cemetery in Tzfat.

V. PRACTICAL SUMMARY

When visiting cemeteries or the graves of tzaddikim, one must approach with reverence and adhere to halachic guidelines that reflect the sanctity of these spaces. The principle of lo'eg larash prohibits performing mitzvot such as wearing visible tefillin, reciting Shema, or studying Torah within four amot (approximately six feet) of a grave, as doing so is seen as mocking the deceased who can no longer fulfill mitzvot. However, mitzvot done explicitly for the honor of the deceased, such as reciting Tehillim, Kaddish, or learning Torah in their merit, are permitted even within that distance, especially when this intent is clearly verbalized. Tefillin shel yad (on the arm) may be worn if covered, and tzitzit should be tucked in to avoid visible mitzvah displays. The concept of Kalut Rosh (frivolity) forbids eating, drinking, smoking, or engaging in casual or secular conversation within cemeteries, even beyond four amot, as such behavior disrespects the dignity of the place. Blessings over food or Torah should not be recited there, and cemeteries must not be used as shortcuts.

Additionally, one may not derive personal benefit from a grave, this includes sitting or leaning on matzeivot (grave markers), and stepping on graves is strongly discouraged unless absolutely unavoidable, in which case one should proceed respectfully and verbally request forgiveness. When visiting kivrei tzaddikim, it is customary and commendable to pray, say Tehillim, and beseech Hashem for mercy, but this must be done with the express intention of honoring the tzaddik. Where a mechitza or wall surrounds the grave, it is halachically permitted to pray within four amot, since the structure forms a separate domain. Overall, one must conduct themselves with humility, restraint, and a deep sense of kavod for the souls of the departed, recognizing the profound spiritual atmosphere of such places.

 By R’ Nissan Shalomayev
Rav, Bukharian Jewish Cong. of Hillcrest, Kehilat Ohr V'Achdut

¹  Y.D 368:1

²  Chazon Ovadia - Avelut vol. 1 pg. 433

³  Chazon Ovadia - Avelut vol. 1 pg. 435

⁴  Y.D 364:1, citing the Tur quoting Rabbi Yishaya and the Hagahot Asheri (Moed Katan 3:79) referencing the Or Zarua.

⁵  See also Chazon Ovadia - Avelut vol. 1 pg. 436

⁶  https://www.doresh-tzion.co.il/QAShowAnswer.aspx?qaid=164120