True Love

In parshat Toldot, the Torah tells us that Yitzchak loved Eisav. Why? “Ki tzayid b’fiv”—because Eisav provided him with hunted game. At first glance, this seems puzzling. How could Yitzchak’s love for Eisav be rooted in something as material as food? Surely, Yitzchak—an oleh temimah who was nearly sacrificed on the mizbeach—was far above such physical indulgences. Yitzchak was not, chas v’shalom, a glutton. So why would the Torah attribute his love for Eisav to the food Eisav provided? What deeper meaning lies beneath this?

I heard from my father, Rav Yitzchok Fingerer shlita, that the Shem Mishmuel, Rav Shmuel Bornsztain zt”l, offers a profound explanation. The Torah is teaching us a powerful lesson about love and connection. Yitzchak understood that food was important to Eisav. Hunting and providing game were Eisav’s passions—his way of expressing himself. Yitzchak, in his great wisdom and love, chose to take an interest in Eisav’s world. Even though Yitzchak was celestial and spiritual, he met Eisav where he was. Yitzchak was willing to “stoop down” to Eisav’s level, to connect with him in a way Eisav could understand.

This teaches us an incredible lesson about relationships. When we interact with others, we must find ways to meet them where they are. We should seek opportunities to love and understand them, even when it’s difficult. By doing so, we have the power to uplift others—to give them self-esteem, a positive self-image, and faith in themselves. We can give people the strength to navigate life’s challenges. If Yitzchak could love Eisav despite his flaws, we, too, can strive to love and connect with others.

A poignant example of this comes from a story that occurred just a few decades ago. A young Jewish boy, Ben from Canarsie, Brooklyn, felt unfulfilled and set out to explore the world in search of meaning. At 17, he left home and traveled 2,000 miles west, eventually reaching India. Immersing himself in the local culture, he adopted traditional Indian garb and studied their way of life.

In his quest for truth, he journeyed further, all the way to South Dakota, to meet a woman known for her spiritual wisdom. She was said to have extraordinary foresight and was regarded as one of the holiest figures in her circle. But when Ben finally approached her, she refused to speak with him.

“I heard you are not one of us,” she said. “You don’t belong here.”

Shocked, Ben responded, “Why does it matter that I’m Jewish? I’ve embraced your way of life!”

The woman, unwavering, replied, “You are not one of us. Go back to your roots. That’s where you belong.”

Devastated, Ben returned home, lost and searching for direction. Someone suggested he reach out to Rav Shlomo Freifeld zt”l, the Rosh HaYeshiva of Sh’or Yoshuv. Ben called the yeshivah and scheduled a meeting.

When they met, Rav Freifeld didn’t begin by lecturing or preaching. Instead, he spoke with Ben about Indian culture—topics Ben never expected to discuss with a rabbi. Over the next few weeks, they had many long conversations. Rav Freifeld listened, empathized, and patiently built a relationship with Ben.

One afternoon, during one of their meetings, someone knocked on the office door to speak with Rav Freifeld. The Rosh HaYeshiva excused himself and stepped out briefly. Left alone, Ben wandered around the room, marveling at the overflowing bookshelves filled with sefarim. As he approached Rav Freifeld’s desk, he noticed something unusual. Inside one of the drawers, there was a pile of books—about Indian culture!

Ben was stunned. Rav Freifeld had been studying these books to better understand Ben’s worldview. He had invested time and effort into learning about Ben’s background so he could connect with him on a deeper level and gently guide him back to his roots.

This thoughtful approach worked. Ben went on to study at Sh’or Yoshuv for several years, growing steadily in Torah and Yiddishkeit. Today, he lives as a proud Torah Jew.

This story embodies what it means to connect with others—to truly see them, understand them, and meet them where they are. Rav Freifeld’s willingness to embrace Ben’s world was the key to helping him find his way back to his own.

This is the message of Yitzchak’s love for Eisav. "Vaye’ehav Yitzchak et Eisav,"—Yitzchak showed us that love means understanding someone on their level, even when it’s challenging. It is through this effort that we can inspire, uplift, and help others grow.

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