Choosing A Place To Live (Part II)

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I. Recap

Last issue, we discussed choosing a place to live. The decision of where to live is crucial, impacting one's identity, behavior, and well-being. A supportive environment is essential for physical and spiritual health. We discussed that to maintain a community that supports its members' well-being and spiritual growth, certain essential amenities and services are required. Furthermore, we emphasized the importance of maintaining a safe distance from individuals with questionable character and choosing a neighborhood with virtuous values and a strong, established frum community.

 

II. Further Considerations

(b) In Pirkei Avot, Ribbi Yossi ben Kisma¹ shares a poignant encounter that highlights the importance of prioritizing Torah in one's life. When offered a life of luxury and wealth in a new community², Ribbi Yossi ben Kisma declines, emphasizing that no material possession can compare to the value of living in a place where Torah is central. He quotes verses, illustrating how Torah guides us in this world, protects us in the grave, and accompanies us in the world to come. The message is clear: living in a community where Torah is deeply ingrained is essential.

The Gemara (Berachot 8b) further stresses the importance of living near one's teacher, citing Ribbi Ḥiyya bar Ami in the name of Ulla. This proximity helps avoid sin, as the teacher can guide and correct the student more effectively. The Mishnah teaches that exile can be transformed into a positive experience by moving to a location dedicated to Torah learning (Avot 4:10).

Therefore, it is crucial to carefully consider the Torah environment when choosing a place to live. Leaving a community with robust Torah classes for adults and yeshivot for children to move to a place with weaker Torah observance and learning would be contrary to this Mishna's guidance. One must prioritize living in a community where Torah is paramount, ensuring a life of spiritual growth, guidance, and protection.

In a city, surrounded by a diverse and vibrant community, one is afforded the opportunity to be inspired by individuals who embody exceptional character, wisdom, and spiritual dedication. These role models serve as beacons of growth, encouraging us to strive for greater heights and deepen our connection to our faith. In contrast, suburban environments, while often touted for their tranquility and homogeneity, can sometimes foster a sense of complacency and stagnation. Here, one may feel comfortably religious, surrounded by like-minded individuals, yet lack the stimulation and challenge necessary for meaningful growth. Without the presence of remarkable individuals to look up to and learn from, one's spiritual development can plateau, leading to a state of stagnation, where potential remains untapped and progress is hindered.

(c) The Gemara in Megillah (17a) teaches that Yaakov Avinu faced consequences for his 22-year absence from home. The Avnei Nezer (O.C. 535:11) infers from this Gemara that, ideally, it is proper for an one to live in close proximity to their parents, enabling them to demonstrate respect, care, and assistance, particularly as their parents age. This way one can fulfill the important mitzvah to honor and support one's parents. However, it's essential to acknowledge that this is not a strict obligation, and the decision to live near or far from parents may depend on various factors.³

(d) Rav Leeor Dahan writes about "Surface Judaism," where people prioritize materialism and superficial practices over genuine spiritual growth and personal development. This approach leads to a shallow and inconsistent practice of Judaism, where individuals focus on outward appearances and rituals rather than inner transformation and self-reflection. He emphasizes that true Judaism requires a commitment to personal growth, self-awareness, and disowning materialism as an end goal. We must look beyond the surface level and embrace the authentic and meaningful practices of Judaism, rather than settling for a watered-down version that prioritizes material possessions and external validation.

When contemplating about moving, Lot's decision to leave Avraham for the lush plains of Sodom comes to mind. We often wonder how Lot could have made such a choice, exchanging the spiritual guidance of Avraham for the allure of green grass and material comfort. But do we really need to wonder? Aren't we tempted by the same things - the promise of a more comfortable life, a nicer home, a gated community that promises security and status? It's a trade-off that's just as enticing today as it was in Lot's time, and one that requires careful consideration of our priorities and values. Selecting a community cannot be a superficial decision based solely on outward appearances of Jewish practice, but rather it requires a profound and thoughtful approach. It demands delving deeper into the community's values, spirit, and authenticity, ensuring alignment with one's own spiritual goals and aspirations.

 

III. Conclusion

The decision of where to live is a pivotal choice that significantly impacts one's family, children, and personal spiritual growth. The location one chooses can either foster a nurturing environment or expose oneself to negative influences. Moreover, it can either support or hinder one's spiritual development, depending on the availability of Torah learning, prayer communities, and kosher amenities. Therefore, it is crucial to seek guidance from one's personal rabbi, who can offer valuable insights and counsel tailored to their individual circumstances.

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¹ Avot 6:9

אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בֶן קִסְמָא, פַּעַם אַחַת הָיִיתִי מְהַלֵּךְ בַּדֶּרֶךְ וּפָגַע בִּי אָדָם אֶחָד, וְנָתַן לִי שָׁלוֹם, וְהֶחֱזַרְתִּי לוֹ שָׁלוֹם. אָמַר לִי, רַבִּי, מֵאֵיזֶה מָקוֹם אַתָּה. אָמַרְתִּי לוֹ, מֵעִיר גְּדוֹלָה שֶׁל חֲכָמִים וְשֶׁל סוֹפְרִים אָנִי. אָמַר לִי, רַבִּי, רְצוֹנְךָ שֶׁתָּדוּר עִמָּנוּ בִמְקוֹמֵנוּ, וַאֲנִי אֶתֵּן לְךָ אֶלֶף אֲלָפִים דִּינְרֵי זָהָב וַאֲבָנִים טוֹבוֹת וּמַרְגָּלִיּוֹת. אָמַרְתִּי לוֹ, בְּנִי, אִם אַתָּה נוֹתֵן לִי כָל כֶּסֶף וְזָהָב וַאֲבָנִים טוֹבוֹת וּמַרְגָּלִיּוֹת שֶׁבָּעוֹלָם, אֵינִי דָר אֶלָּא בִמְקוֹם תּוֹרָה. וְלֹא עוֹד, אֶלָּא שֶׁבִּשְׁעַת פְּטִירָתוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם אֵין מְלַוִּין לוֹ לָאָדָם לֹא כֶסֶף וְלֹא זָהָב וְלֹא אֲבָנִים טוֹבוֹת וּמַרְגָּלִיּוֹת, אֶלָּא תוֹרָה וּמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים בִּלְבַד, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי ו) בְּהִתְהַלֶּכְךָ תַּנְחֶה אֹתָךְ, בְּשָׁכְבְּךָ תִּשְׁמֹר עָלֶיךָ, וַהֲקִיצוֹתָ הִיא תְשִׂיחֶךָ. בְּהִתְהַלֶּכְךָ תַּנְחֶה אֹתָךְ, בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, בְּשָׁכְבְּךָ תִּשְׁמֹר עָלֶיךָ, בַּקֶּבֶר, וַהֲקִיצוֹתָ הִיא תְשִׂיחֶךָ, לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. וְכֵן כָּתוּב בְּסֵפֶר תְּהִלִּים עַל יְדֵי דָוִד מֶלֶךְ יִשְׂרָאֵל (תהלים קיט), טוֹב לִי תוֹרַת פִּיךָ מֵאַלְפֵי זָהָב וָכָסֶף. וְאוֹמֵר (חגי ב) לִי הַכֶּסֶף וְלִי הַזָּהָב אָמַר ה' צְבָאוֹת 

²  Rav Nachman of Breslov (Tzaddik: A Portrait Of Rebbe Nachman, pg. 431-432) suggests that living in a big city and engaging in business activities provides more opportunities for success and profit. He believed that each person has their moment of success, and in a big city, that moment could lead to significant financial gain. The Rebbe emphasized that everything has its place, and big cities offer more opportunities for substantial success, whereas small towns have limited potential for profit.

³  See Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 239:8