Making Two Chuppah Ceremonies Part II

Last edition we discussed the tradition among some Bukharian Jews to have a private chuppah ceremony, separate from the public ceremony. This practice is not based on a fear of the evil eye (ayin hara), but rather on concerns about magical incantations being cast on the couple, which could harm their relationship and ability to have children. The private ceremony is a way to protect the couple from such potential harm. We have cited various sources, including the Targum Yonatan ben Uzziel and the Gemara in Yerushalmi, to support this explanation. We have also cited stories of rabbinic figures, such as Rav Chayim Vital, who encountered similar issues and found ways to overcome them.

CUSTOMS THROUGHOUT THE MIDDLE EAST

This magical incantation is also part of the Muslim culture, and it is known as ribaat or marboot or rabt, (i.e., he is restrained or tied up)¹

In many Middle Eastern communities, there are traditional practices in place to protect against such a spell. In the Bukharian Jewish community, for example, two women would stand behind the bride and groom during the chuppah ceremony and constantly insert a needle and thread into their clothing without tying a knot. This was believed to ward off any spells that might harm the couple. The chuppah ceremony was held in a private place with only ten men present. The men were asked to keep their hands open and not interlocked throughout the ceremony (Yahdut Buchara pg. 614).

The chuppah ceremony was performed once, but it was not repeated. Today, it is customary by many to perform a mock chuppah ceremony in front of the guests.

The Moroccan Jewish community had a custom that the groom used to tie a sash around his waist with a head covering that the bride wore the night before. After tying it with seven knots, he wore it until the wedding day. On the day of the chuppah, the bride used to untie the sash and it was believed that this was a way to get rid of any magical incarnations, if there were any.²

The Yemenite Jewish community used plants and herbs as a form of protection against spells, and the groom would hold a hammer during the wedding ceremony.³

In the Kurdistan Jewish community, it was customary for brides to wear a talisman on their wedding day. The talisman was believed to bring protection to the bride against a spell and to help her have a happy and successful marriage (ibid.).

Other communities have the custom to release all knots on the groom (whether on his clothing or shoes). Others constantly close and open a lock throughout the chuppah ceremony.⁴

IV. ONE WHO CASTS SUCH A SPELL

The Torah prohibits magic, sorcery, witchcraft, or any type of divination (Shemot 22:17 Devarim 18:10, Shulchan Aruch Y.D 179). The punishment for sorcery and witchcraft is stoning (Rambam⁵).

One who casts such a spell has no portion in the world to come (Targum Yerushalmi ibid). Additionally⁶, they are hindering the descent of souls to this world, which is what will bring about the coming of the Moshiach⁷.

V. IS THERE CONCERN IN OUR DAYS

 (a) According to the Rambam⁸, Meiri⁹ and Ibn Ezra magic does not exist. The Rambam believed that magic is nothing more than a hoax and a figment of the imagination. He prohibited¹⁰ the performance of any acts that have the appearance of black magic, such as achizat einayim (capturing the eyes).

The Shulchan Aruch¹¹ rules like the Rambam. Based on this Rav Ovadia Yosef (Yechaveh Da'at 3:68) forbids the sleight-of-hand tricks, even if there is no black magic.

There are those that want to say that from the moment the Rambam ruled that magic did not exist, it was a turning point in history, as it caused the Heavenly court to accept the Halacha as such, and magic to disappear from the world.

(b) King Shlomo writes, (Kohelet 7:14) "Hashem has made one corresponding to the other¹²”. Rav Chayim Vital¹³ explains that just like there are forces of kedusha (holiness) in the world, there are  likewise forces of Tumah (spiritual impurity). The side of holiness is as strong as the side of impurity and vice versa. Since today the forces of holiness are so weak, the forces of impurity are also weak.

Similarly, the Torah Temima¹⁴ writes in the name of Rav Yakov Elgazi that at the end of days, a divine light will shine throughout the world, revealing that there is only one Hashem. This light will dispel the forces of impurity and evil, and no one will be able to enchant or cast spells.

A man once came to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef and said that he had been cursed by sorcerers. Rav Ovadia Yosef told him that there is no such thing as black magic or sorcery, and he blessed him¹⁵.

Similarly a man came to Rav Chayim Kanievsky zt”l and told him that he was struggling in all areas of his life. He was not successful in his business, his children were not doing well in school, and he was having problems with his wife. The man was worried that someone had cast a spell on him. Rav Chayim Kanievsky told the man that there is no such thing as black magic¹⁶.

The Chief Bucharian Rabbi of USA and Canada, Harav Yitzhak Israeli shlit”a, said (in the name of mekubalim) that sorcery is only powerful in countries where most people believe in it. The belief in sorcery is what gives it power. In a western country like the USA, an average American would laugh at the idea that sorcery can be placed on a bride and groom.

VI. HALACHIC ISSUES WITH HAVING TWO CHUPPOT

(a) The Sages of Jerusalem enacted a cherem (sanction, ban or excommunication) in Jerusalem on one who performs kiddushin (halachic engagement) and nisuin (halachic marriage) on two different days.

Today the practice by many is to perform the kiddushin¹⁷  in private and perform the rest of the marriage ceremony in public. (Not in compliance with the original Bucharian custom. See ‘C’) One who performs kiddushin during daytime (which is the most common scenario) and the chuppah in the evening (which is halachily the next day) is violating this ban and is placed under cherem. This is codified by the Shu”t Pri Ha’aretz (vol. 3 E.H 2), Shu”t Admat Kodesh (vol. 1 E.H 39).

Harav Yitzhak Israeli shlit”a pointed out that we see from here that our sages were not happy with the idea of kiddushin (halachic engagement) and nisuin (halachic marriage) not being performed immediately after one another, as is the traditional practice.

(b) Masechet Kallah (ch.1) says that a bride that did not have the seven blessings (sheva berachot) recited under the chuppah is forbidden to her husband like a niddah. The Mordechi (Ketubot 131) writes that even if kiddushin was performed, the bride and groom cannot seclude until the chuppah (halachic marriage) has taken place. This is codified by the Rambam (Ishut 10:1) and Shulchan Aruch.¹⁸

Many are under the impression that after the kiddushin (halachic engagement) the bride and groom are allowed to touch and therefore use it as an excuse to take pictures with the couple touching etc. However halachicly no touching is allowed until after halachic marriage has taken place.

(c) Even though the Bucharian community in Uzbekistan and Tajikistan were concerned for magical incantation on the couple (which is ineffective in our days), the custom throughout the ages was always to make the chuppah at a random time without the knowledge of others. The guests were invited just for the celebration, and there was never a custom to make a second chuppah ceremony for a show. Thus, making a second chuppah ceremony is not in accordance with the original minhag and is a recent fad started in the USA.

 

VII. CONCLUSION

Logic and experience shows no evidence that humans can cast spells or do magic. Many couples have only had one chuppah ceremony, and they have not been harmed by magic spells or sorcery.

Parents who insist on having a separate chuppah ceremony may be unaware of the lack of evidence for magic, or they may be concerned about other factors, such as evil eye. (See above I).

Even if one believes in the power of magic and sorcery Rav Ben Tzion Mutzafi writes¹⁹  that breaking the cup under the chuppah abolishes all black magic and sorcery.

 It is very unfortunate that some show more concern for magic spells and sorcery than violating mitzvot of Hashem (mixed weddings, etc). Having a wedding that violates Hashem’s Torah and mitzvot, will bring more negativity to the couples’ lives than a magic spell can bring. Therefore, the proper practice for our community would be to only have one chuppah ceremony.

Excerpt from: Hillel Omer: A Journey Through Jewish Law and Minhag. Available on amazon.com. For any comments and questions, the author can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

 

¹  Islam: Questions and Answers - Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings pg. 42

²  Yahdut Morroco pg. 390

ביום שני בבוקר, הנשים הסירו מעל ראש הארוסה את אריג הבד שבו היא כיסתה את שערה בלילה הקודם ושלחו אותו לחתן אשר חגר אותו למותניו, לאחר שקשרו בו שבעה קשרים. הוא נשא אותו עד יום החופה. זוהי בעצם פעולה מאגית של תקקאף או קישור שבאה להבטיח שהחתן יהיה רק לה ושהחתונה המתוכננת תתקיים אמנם ולא תתבטל". ביום החופה, הכלה בעצמה התירה את הקשרים ואת החגורה או האבנט, וכך היא ביטלה את ה-תתקאף שנעשה לארוסה מקודם אם נעשה

³  The Sorcery Motif in Bridegroom Songs pg. 122

⁴  Ve’ein Lamo Michshol pg. 292

ב. ישנם שנוהגים, שלפני החופה מתיר החתן את כל הקשרים שעליו (בין בבגדיו ובין בנעליו, כיון שחוששים לכישופים ולקשירת חתנים. וכמו כן, ישנם שלוקחים מנעול, ופותחים אותו במשך כל זמן החופה, כדי לבטל כל מיני סוגי כישופים, והעושים כן אין למחות בידם.ב)

⁵  Laws of Avodat Kochavim - 11:15

הַמְכַשֵּׁף חַיָּב סְקִילָה וְהוּא שֶׁעָשָׂה מַעֲשֵׂה כְּשָׁפִים. אֲבָל הָאוֹחֵז אֶת הָעֵינַיִם וְהוּא שֶׁיֵּרָאֶה שֶׁעָשָׂה וְהוּא לֹא עָשָׂה לוֹקֶה מַכַּת מַרְדּוּת. מִפְּנֵי שֶׁלָּאו זֶה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בִּמְכַשֵּׁף בִּכְלַל (דברים יח י) "לֹא יִמָּצֵא בְךָ" הוּא וְלָאו שֶׁנִּתַּן לְאַזְהָרַת מִיתַת בֵּית דִּין הוּא וְאֵין לוֹקִין עָלָיו שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות כב יז) "מְכַשֵּׁפָה לֹא תְחַיֶּה

⁶  Meam Loez Ki Tezte pg. 923, Hachuppah Vehanesuin pg. 218, Ve’ein Lamo Michshol pg. 291

⁷  Rav Asi said in the Gemara (Yevamot 62a) that the Moshiach will not come until every soul that is destined to be born has been born.

⁸  Moreh Nevuchim 3:37

יתבאר לך שהכשוף אשר תשמע אותו הוא מפעולות שהיו עושים אותם, הצאב"ה, הכשדיים, והכלדיים, ויותר היה במצריים, ובכנעניים, היו מביאים לחשוב בהם או היו חושבים שבהם יעשו מעשים נפלאים במציאות אם לאיש אחד או לאנשי מדינה, והמעשים ההם אשר יעשו אותם המכשפים אין ההקש נותן אותם ולא יאמין השכל שהם יחייבו דבר כלל.

 ⁹ Avodah Zara 54b

¹⁰  Laws of Avoda Zara 11:9

¹¹  Y. D 179:15

 אוחז את העינים אסור

…גַּ֣ם אֶת־זֶ֤ה לְעֻמַּת־זֶה֙ עָשָׂ֣ה הָֽאֱלֹקֵּ֔ים…²¹

¹³  Sha’arei Kedusha by Gate 1 ch.1

¹⁴  Vayikra 19:238

ודע שכתב מהר"ש אלגזי, דעתה קרוב לאחרית הימים שיתפשט האור האלהית על כל בשר וראו כל בשר כי אין עוד מלבדו לכן האור הזה כבר הבקיע ובא והטומאה כליל תחלוף ונתבטלו כחות הטומאה ואין גם אחד אשר כח בידו לקסום ולכשף, והאמונה באלה תקונן כעת רק במוחי השוטים והתינוקת, עכ"ל כפי המובא בתפארת ישראל (סנהדרין פ"ז מ"ז) וכפי הנראה צ"ל מהר"י חאגיז במקום מהר"ש .אלגזי כי כן הוא בפירושו עץ החיים בשנוי לשון ע"ש

 ¹⁵ Ma’ayan Omer vol. 12 1:30

 ¹⁶ Segulot Rabotenu pg. 390-391

¹⁷  Shu”t Dibrot Eliyahu Siman 201 writes that the kiddushin ceremony is the most vulnerable time for sorcery to be used against the couple.

ב) מי שיש לו אויבים ושונאים לו או לכלה רצוי שיערוך את הקידושין אצל הרב בבית עם עדים ואח"כ יבואו לחופה ושבע ברכות ולקריאת הכתובה משום שדבר זה תופס רק בשעת הקידושין

 ¹⁸ E.H 55:1

הארוסה אסורה לבעלה מדברי סופרים כל זמן שהיא בבית אביה והבא על ארוסתו בבית חמיו מכין אותו מכת מרדות: הגה ואפי' בייחוד אסורים ולכן ארוס שהוא עם ארוסתו בבית א' מברכין ז' ברכות פן יתייחדו (מרדכי פ"ק דכתובות) וי"א דאין להם לדור ביחד שלא יקוצו זה בזה (כל בו) ואפי' בשדוכין בלא אירוסין יש לחוש (חידושי אגודה פרק קמא דכתובות) אפילו אם קדשה בביאה אסור לו לבא עליה ביאה שניה בבית אביה עד שיביא אותה לתוך ביתו ויתייחד עמה ויפרישנה לו ויחוד זה הוא הנקרא כניסה לחופה והיא הנקרא נישואין בכל מקום והבא על ארוסתו לשם נשואין אחר שקידשה משיערה בה קנאה ונעשית נשואה והרי היא כאשתו לכל דבר וצריך לברך ברכת חתנים בבית החתן קודם הנישואין

¹⁹  Sefer Nechamat Tzion pg. 404

וראיתי טעם נוסף קרוב לזה, ששבירת הכוס היא משום "הפח נשבר ואנחנו נמלטנו" [תהלים קכז, ד], שמא חס ושלום נגזרה על החתן או הכלה איזו גזירה, ובשבירת הכוס ינצלו. וראה בספר יד רא"ם [כהן, חלק ב כלולות חתנים ט, י] שכתב, וז"ל: "מנהג האשכנזים, שהחתן ישבור תחת רגלו כוס של זכוכית אחר הקידושין, והקהל עונים ואומרים: "הפח נשבר ואנחנו נמלטנו". והטעם לזה, לזכור חורבן ירושלים וכו'. ומנהג הספרדים לשׂוּם אפר מקלה בראש החתן במקום הנחת התפילין, והוא גם כן מטעם הנזכר לעיל. ויש אומרים, כי שבירת הכוס לבטל אם עשו כישוף הידוע לחתן, והספרדים לא נהגו מנהג זה. והפלא הוא, שאותו כישוף לא נשמע היותו באשכנזים, רק אצל הספרדים שמעתי הרבה פעמים, ואולי באמת היא סגולה, ואם קבלה, נקבל". עכ"ל. וכן כתב בשו"ת מהר"ם מינץ [סימן קט]