In The Merit Of Righteous Women, We Left Egypt

I love Pesach, but I have grown to loathe the drudgery of cleaning before the holiday. Of course, one could use the short cuts in preparing for the chag by telling oneself that one does not have to tear the whole house apart, one just has to remove the “chometz “ from the home. If I only did the minimum, I would spend the whole Passover riddled with guilt and would not be able to enjoy the true beauty of this special holiday. So once again I get on my hands and knees, looking behind every nook and cranny, sticking my head in the refrigerator and oven scouring my head off.

For most of us, pre-Pesach is a time of self imposed oppressive cleaning bondage. I love it when the men say “You don’t have to work so hard. Take it easy”, as if the process will happen all by itself. My children know that they enter my house during the time frame between Purim and Pesach at their own risk. During that time, I am busy steam rolling around the house throwing out anything that isn’t bolted down. They know better than to get in my way.

While doing all that, I keep thinking about where did we women go wrong? Isn’t it written in the Midrash that the Jews were redeemed from Egypt in the merit of the righteous women of the time? The women were a source of inspiration to the slaves who were downtrodden, overworked and filled with despair. Although the “geulah” (redemption) from the grueling servitude seemed impossible, the women believed Moshe words and sought to create the next generation who would be free to worship G-d and follow in His ways. But how come no one remembers that? Isn’t Pesach the Festival of Freedom for men and women? Don’t we have the obligation to retell the story of Passover as if we were actually living in that era? Shouldn’t we be explaining the details as they actually happened? Then how come the women’s role is not highlighted? These questions haunt me as I “slave” away getting the house ready for Pesach.

I’m always upset that women do not get enough respect and recognition at the Seder. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from a feminist. I am proud of being an Orthodox Jewess and am very comfortable in my own skin. I embrace my role as gatekeeper of the home and do not need a cup of Miriam to be displayed at my Seder table ( although I’m not opposed to those who do) nor do I need a “Kaarah (Seder Plate) with a slot for an orange to make feel more of a woman. ( For those not familiar with the orange business, one of the versions of the story goes that a rabbi was so turned off at the thought of an exclusively woman’s Seder that he said, “It will be permitted when an orange belongs on the Seder plate”.That was all the feminists needed to hear. They created Seder Plates that indeed have a section for an orange to be placed on it.)

We, women, have always been the backbone of the Jewish home. The Talmud teaches us that G-d blessed the women with a more superior understanding (binah) then men. Our intuitive qualities enable us to “get It” before our male counterparts do. We innately comprehend right from wrong. King Solomon in Mishlei says, “A wise woman builds her house and the silly one destroys it with her own hands.” If she uses her special abilities to follow in the footsteps of the righteous women of the past, her home will be blessed.

 I “fahgin” the men sitting with pillows at the Seder in their roles as kings of their castles. That is all find and good, but `what about the mistresses of the house? When I first got married, my husband and I met a lovely older woman, who had been married for fifty years, at a hotel who gave me the following advice:

If you treat your husband as a king, then you are a queen; but if you treat your husband as a “shmatah, you become Mrs. Shmatah. I have always tried to live by that. But with that said, women should be recognized for their contributions to the Passover story. Men seem to have center stage, but after all, it was the women who got us out of Egypt. I do not think that it should be a treated as a trivial matter. Nothing that we women say or do should be taken lightly. Men have the privilege of being more knowledgeable about the intricacies of Torah study and the performance of mitzvos. However, this can only be accomplished if their wives or mothers are going in the ways of the women role models of the past. We should all be reminded of what G-d said to Abraham “Whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her voice.”

Getting our do, as women, at the Seder would be a wonderful aspiration and I truly hope that it will become the norm in most homes. Of course, I personally will probably be too zonked to appreciate it; but I would still like it to happen none the less.

I want to take this opportunity to wish our readers and their families a kosher Pesach.

By Cynthia Zalisky

---

 Cynthia Zalisky is the Executive Director of the Queens Jewish Community Council. She can be contacted at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.