The Need To Be Loved

The need to be loved is extremely strong in all human beings. Love is what binds people together in emotional, physical, and spiritual ways. Love and feelings of love begin from childhood to old age; it is a never-ending necessity that all individuals desire. Love connects people in the strongest of ways, and produces care, a feeling of inner fulfillment, and concern. Love, as well as emotional support, makes the difficulties of life much more bearable and also helps ease the struggles of life.

 

The love given to children

"The love given to a child is more important than any material good that his or her family is able to provide."

Urie Bronfenbrenner, a renowned expert on child development, says every child needs parents who are crazy about him or her - an "irrational relationship." Children are wired to "fall in love" with their parents, and they deserve parents who fall in love back. Research shows that loving and nurturing parenting styles are directly linked to better child behavior at all ages. As parents properly nurture their children and provide them with enough love, that gives the child a sense of security, which helps the child grow into a confident and loving person. Studies show that children need parental love as much as they need food and oxygen. Proper love to a child enables them to thrive in life.

Psychologist Joseph Nginya states and proves that "some psychological and emotional issues that people struggle with in their adult life stems from the fact that when they were children, they did not feel fully loved, wanted, and accepted by their parents." Nginya suggests that it is never too late to begin giving parental love, since it will always be needed no matter how old the person is. Therefore, all parents out there who may feel they are lacking in this area, take the initiative and start now! It's never too late! Just start! However, Nginya cautions that parents who are beginning to give their child more love at an adolescent or at an older age should tread carefully because that child might feel suspicious and resistant of that sudden behavior change. Positive and encouraging words, interaction, and showing genuine interest are the first few steps to take if you're "late in the game."

The life of a child can't just run on cold and hard rules. Running an overly authoritative home is not only detrimental to ruining the psyche of a child but it forms the child into a self-authoritative person who will learn how to be hard on him/herself as life goes on. The warmth of love is necessary to build spirit and joy of life in both children and in adults. A home without love, however orderly and organized, has not fulfilled its true purpose. A family’s true characteristic should be that members love one another, and this emotion binds them together. That type if family is considered by far the healthiest type! Love or the lack of love has a great effect on the lives of children.

The big question is: How can you be a more loving and nurturing parent to your child?

1. Learn your child's love language. Every person in this world feels love in a different and unique way. Parents should work on studying the way their child wants and likes to be loved. Without the parent focusing on that particular child's love language, actions that a parent might think are loving can be perceived as unloving to that child.
2. Speak calmly to your children. Compliment their good behavior. Say "please" and "thank you" in order to be a good role model for them. Try to avoid saying anything harsh or sarcastic to them. Even good-humored and well-intentioned sarcasm can be easily misunderstood by children and can result in unintended hurt feelings.
3. Express appreciation as much as possible. Tell your children how much you appreciate them. Draw attention to their talents and good behaviors: "The table looks great! Thank you for setting it so nicely." Or, "I can always count on you to help me out. Thanks."
4. Write love notes to your children and slip them in their school bags or lunch boxes on their way to school. Examples would be: "You're so special to me" or “Mommy and Daddy love you; have a great day."
5. Don't forget the importance of touch. Don't hold back from giving your child a warm hug and a kiss. Touch plays a major role in the mind of a child. It helps restore connection and a feeling of self-love. Touch also plays a major role on the confidence of a child. A confident child will feel worthy of love. A child who knows he is loved has a great head-start on life.

 

A Child's Definition of love

A group of professionals posed the following question to a group of 4- to 8-year-olds: "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. nSo my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." - Rebecca, age 8

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy, age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." - Terri, age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is okay." - Danny, age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," –Nikka, age 6

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." - Clare, age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." - Elaine, age 5

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." -Mary Ann, age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." – Lauren, age 4

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.  People forget," - Jessica, age 8

 

My children's definition of love:

"Love is when my Mommy and Daddy hug me so hard" – Menucha, age 9

"Love is when my Mommy takes care of me. It makes me feel so comfortable"- Akiva age 10

"Love is when my Mommy gives me attention when I speak to her"- Tehila, age 11

Homework for the day: Ask your children today what their meaning of love is.

Sarah Yagudaev has a BA in psychology and an MS in General and Special Education from birth to sixth grade. She is licensed and certified in Education. Sarah is a professional female singer who uses singing as an outlet to help Jewish women and girls all around the world connect to their inner selves and to Hashem. Please contact Sarah for feedback, questions, or comments pertaining to her articles at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..