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And Isaac loved Esau, because game (venison) was in his mouth, and Rebecca loved (loves) Jacob. – Bereshith 25:28

Rabbenu Bahyei mentions that Isaac loved Esau not on account of him being his first-born, but rather, because game (venison) was in his mouth. This has two different meanings. One explanation is that he would hunt animals in the field and give pleasure to his father with the food. The second explanation, based on Midrash Tanhuma, is that he knew how to trap his father with his mouth.

When he returned from the field, he would ask his father complicated questions in halakha, such as how to tithe salt. There is no obligation to tithe salt, neither on a Torah level nor on a rabbinical level; thus he wanted to appear to be very righteous in his father’s eyes. His father, Isaac, would be amazed as to how particular his son was in the observance of the commandments.

He would tell his father that he went to the Beth HaTalmud (study hall) and so on, to mislead his father, so that his father would be very impressed by the apparent diligence and commitment to halakha by his son. But of course, it was just one big hoax.

Hakham Yosef Hayyim Shrem, a”h, explains, based on the fact that anytime the word “Eth” appears in the Torah, it comes to include something else (Lerabboth). So since the Torah says, וַיֶּֽאֱהַ֥ב יִצְחָ֛ק אֶת־עֵשָׂ֖ו, it comes to tell us that Isaac also loved Jacob (Yaakob Avinu), but he loved Esau more. Then when it says further, וְרִבְקָ֖ה אֹהֶ֥בֶת אֶת־יַֽעֲקֹֽב, it comes to tell us that Rebecca also loved Esau, but loved Jacob more.

Rabbenu the Hida writes that the reason why Rebecca did not hate Esau (Homath Anakh), is because that in the future, important converts would come from Esau, such as Antonius.

Hakham Yosef Hayyim, a”h, in Ben Ish Hai Derashoth, brings a profound psychological explanation as to why Isaac loved Esau. We shouldn’t think that he really loved the wicked one; rather he had to show him love externally, for two reasons. One reason was that when Esau pretended to be so exacting in the performance of the commandments, so as not to appear in his father’s presence as being wicked, his father said, “If I don’t show him my love, he will know that I see what he really is and then he will become wicked publicly.” This would be far worse.

A second reason is that when he saw that Rebecca loved Jacob, he said to himself that if he also showed his love for Jacob and his hatred for Esau, this would not bode well for Jacob because Esau would be jealous of him. Since Isaac showed him love, Esau had no reason to be jealous, since his father’s love would be sufficient for him.

The relationship built between parent and child is very important and has an effect that lasts throughout the child’s life–long after the parents have moved on.

There is a parable of a young boy whose father was a very successful professional, who hardly had time to be home with his young son. The son would always be sad when he would see his friends’ fathers coming to their ballgames and other activities, or when he would hear from them about the quality time they spent with both their parents.

One day, when his father was home, the little boy went up to him and asked, “Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?” The father, clearly aggravated at being asked such a personal question from his young son, asked why he wanted to know. The son did not answer the question, but begged his father to tell him. The father told him how much it was he earned an hour. The little boy then turned to his father and asked him if he could borrow an amount which was a little less than what his father earned an hour.

The father hit the roof. “This whole charade,” he yelled, “is just so you could know how much money you could extort from me so you can waste it on some meaningless gadget that you’ll lose interest in by tomorrow.” With that, the father sent the boy straight to bed.

The father’s anger burned for a while, but when he began to calm down, he started feeling pangs of regret. His son was not the type to waste money. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time his son asked him for any money. He went up to the boy’s room and entered quietly. “Are you asleep?” he whispered. “No,” replied the boy. “I can’t sleep.” The father apologized to him for getting angry at him and opened up his wallet and took out the money he had asked for. As soon as the son received the money, he bounced out of bed and ran straight to his piggybank, where he had been saving his money, and pulled out some more bills. His father started getting angry again and said, “You have all this money stashed away and still you took more from me?”

The son placed the money that he had saved together with the money his father had just given him and said, “Dad, the money you gave me, together with the money I saved, is exactly the amount you earn an hour. I’d like to purchase one hour of your time and eat dinner together with you tomorrow.”

We see from the explanation of Hakham Yosef Hayyim that Isaac understood that maintaining a relationship with Esau was critical.

All parents need to know that the bond that they form with their children will very much affect the path they take. Even if the child goes on the wrong path, a close bond will mitigate his actions. Hopefully the child takes the correct road and the bond helps to reinforce that which is good and that which will make the child succeed to his maximum.

Rabbi Ya’aqob Menashe is a renowned author and lecturer, whose Shiurim continue to inspire thousands around the world. Many can be seen at www.NonstopTorah.com. His daily Torah Minutes are eagerly anticipated by thousands every morning. They can be seen at www.ATorahMinute.com. Rabbi Menashe is the spiritual leader of Midrash BEN ISH HAI. More information is available at the Midrash website,
www. Midrash.org.