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How You Made Them Feel

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When I was a student in Fordham University pursuing my Masters in Social Work, one of my professors recounted an experience he had witnessed one year on the day of the Fordham graduation. Fordham Social Work graduates meet outside the university and walk a half block to Lincoln Center where the commencement exercises are held. That year as they were walking single file, donned in their caps and gowns, and heads held high, they hardly noticed a beggar sitting on the side of the street with his hand outstretched soliciting some charity.

My professor noted the tragic irony of a group of people so consumed with the joy of graduation in a field dedicated to helping others in need that they were oblivious to the plight of someone in need.

We often don’t take the time to internalize the wonderful things we are involved in. We also don’t always appreciate how much we mean to others and how much we can do for others just by doing small acts of kindness and helping others feel validated.

American author Maya Angelou quipped, “Although people may not necessarily remember what you said or did, they will always remember how you made them feel.”

On the day of my own graduation from Fordham in May 2003, I too walked with my fellow graduates the half block to Lincoln Center. I was proud to receive my diploma while I was donned in my cap and gown. After the event ended, I was walking with my wife and parents towards our car. An African-American fellow pushing a hand-truck loaded with boxes across the Manhattan street suddenly collided with the curb. Boxes flew everywhere prompting a few honks from annoyed and impatient drivers. My father looked at me, motioned towards the boxes, and said “C’mon, it’s the right thing to do!”   

We then proceeded to help the flustered and very appreciative man collect his boxes and place them back on the hand-truck. He kept repeating “Thanks you rabbis! That’s really nice! Thank you rabbis!”   

It wasn’t just the Kiddush Hashem that we generated, it was also the lesson my father taught me. It’s the right thing to do. Internalize what you were taught and let it become part of who you are.

Someone once told me that one of the things that makes my father so special is that despite his being the administrator of Friedwald Nursing Home, he still maintains his original training as a social worker. He makes rounds around the Nursing Home every morning to check on all the residents and patients, to offer a pleasant word and see how they are doing. I have been told by numerous people, including some notable Monsey personalities, “I spent some time in Friedwald recuperating. Your father treated me like royalty.”

…But they will always remember how you made them feel!

It’s always nice when a child has nachat from his parents. 

By Rabbi Dani Staum


Rabbi Dani Staum LMSW is the Rabbi of Kehillat New Hempstead, as well as a rebbe and Guidance Counselor at Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck, NJ, Principal at Mesivta Ohr Naftoli of New Windsor, and a Division Head at Camp Dora Golding. He can be reached at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Looking for “Instant Inspiration” on the parsha in under 5 minutes? Follow him on
Torahanytime.com.