Are You Taken For Granted?

Dear Editor,

I would like to write a short note of compliment relevant to this time of year (and really to all people, all year). 

When I was young, I went to day camp and sleep-away camp. I have pleasant memories of my counselors, and some of the best memories were sometimes a thirty-second personal conversation that I had with a counselor or perhaps something special they did or said about others – maybe a compliment or recognition they gave someone. In short, it really makes a difference to campers.

However, now, as I get older, I have noted something each summer for several years. I meet bachurim in shul, and ask them what they are doing, and many are counselors and staff members in day camps. As I shmooze with them, I noticed a certain feeling – they may be getting the run for their money, somewhat; the realities of life are coming in! So, I would like to say to them that their work is greatly appreciated! While it may be taken for granted somewhat, in actuality, it is not.

It is like musicians at a simchot. The ba’alei simchah will certainly go over to them afterwards to express thanks. Chassanim and bar mitzvah bachurim etc. will take the moment to go over and express their appreciation. Once, after the wedding of a son, the Rosh HaYeshivah of Beth Medrash Govoha (BMG), Rav Yeruchem Olshin shlit”a went over with his son to the musician and singer, and danced with them in a circle on the music platform for half a minute! 

However, there is saying that one of greatest signs of a professional is that you can take him for granted and virtually forget that there is someone there; you can think you are listening to a recording! That is, in a sense, the greatest compliment! The same applies to photography, for example; as you’re looking through the pictures, you see everything you’d expect to see – and even more! And when you watch a video, the videographer goes back and forth on the crowd during speeches, so you can feel as if you were there, and it is steady and smooth. So, being taken for granted is technically the greatest compliment! 

My ninth grade rebbe said regarding hakarat hatov / appreciation, one might ask, “But, if it weren’t for this person, someone else would have done it.” He answered, “And then you’d have to have appreciation for that person!” So, there are always people doing certain jobs, and we must appreciate them!

Every person knows for himself how he can do things better. Quite the opposite, I’ve come to notice that the more professional the person is, the more he’ll say this! So, the fact that one may feel he is just doing standard procedure and is being taken for granted, can in a sense be the greatest compliment. And the fact is that his actions make a great difference; they’re not lost on people.

Rav Moshe Feinstein writes in Drash Moshe, why does every Yid say in Ahava Rabba / Olam, “V’sen b’libenu… lilmod u’lelamed – to learn and to teach;” is every person going to be a teacher? He answered indeed, every person teaches by virtue of the fact that others see him and that his actions influence others, therefore we ask for siyata d’shmayah.

Of course, R’ Paysach Krohn talks about numerous mechanchim who got their first experience with chinuch as counselors. He tells the story of a Yid who is today a big askan, who was the Color War general in the camp where he was a counselor, and gave a speech. “It was his best speech,” he quips!

Behatzlacha!
S.R.